I don’t understand why I’m so stuck on the idea of going to formal with him. I don’t know why I’m so fixated with him asking me to go with him, nor do I know why all my thoughts are consumed with how good we’d look together if we went. I’m just so sad thinking that I’m just not worth it. I need to stop being such a pity party and know my worth. If I’m not the one for this one, then I will be for the next one. If not, for the next one.
I have to stop thinking that I’m always the one at fault. It’s just not meant to be, and that’s not at all my fault. And if he doesn’t- when he doesn’t bring me to formal, I need to understand that it’s nothing on me. I would’ve been a good date. I really would’ve been, and if he doesn’t see that, then that is no reflection of you. Understand that this shit isn’t going to matter in a few years. You’re not going to look back in a year and get sad over the fact he didn’t ask you. Maybe you will, but it will be the smallest feeling.
Just a year ago, you were in the arms of Chris’, in his stupid flower shirt, with a St. Paddy’s hat snapped around your belt hoop. You saw that picture and got sad, but are you still thinking about him? No.
At the end of the day, if you’re not sad about this guy, you’ll be sad about another guy, and another, and another. All this shit won’t matter in a year, I promise you. And he isn’t the perfect guy. If he was perfect, he would be with you.
You used to be so crazy over Mitchell, but now you’re not afraid of acting a certain way to him. He’s your friend. Mike? You were crazy about him too, and look, you don’t even care that you guys don’t talk. You understand that if it is meant to be, it will be. You’re fixated on the idea of Max because he’s technically the last guy you were with.
It’ll be sad if he takes D.P or even S.N, but honestly, that shouldn’t matter to you. You have your own life. He has his. You bought a dress that would be perfect for formal, but you know what, fuck it, save it for another time.
If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. If he likes you enough, he would’ve put an effort. But clearly, he didn’t. Listen to me when I said that love is mutual, and effort especially. Don’t put in 100% of the work, when he puts in nothing.
You deserve more than chasing after a guy two years younger than you, who’s starting to live his life. You’ve lived two more years than he has, and you can’t be accountable for that. You’re leaving in a month. Fixate on that.
Engrave it in your mind that he’s taking D.P. He’s not taking you. And that’s okay. Let her have him. Let you have you.