Besides losing an exponential amount of friends in my program, I can honestly say that I feel my life is picking itself back up again.
It’s frustrating being the dumb one in my program, especially being surrounded by insanely smart people. It’s also hard that I have my extra-curricular activities that occupy 75% of my time, leaving literally nothing for school and sleep. After January though, I hope that’s when my school life starts to pick up again. Everything starts February, so that’s when I’m definitely on a roll and a social cleanse.
This week has been good. Stressful, but good.
After weeks of planning this coffee house event, thank God, Finlay, Liam, and I finally accomplished it tonight. We’ve been working on this idea since the beginning of December and it finally came together, successfully at that. I performed my original song for the first time in front of a crowd. I screwed up, but that didn’t stop everyone from complimenting me, which felt incredibly AMAZING, by the way. I was on a rush. I had this feeling of greatness spike up inside me when I ended the last strum. I could see Chris move up from the crowd and lean on the side of the stage to watch me. I was told Finlay was Snapchatting me when I was on stage. I had people I have never talked to before tell me how amazing I did. All these compliments and attention felt nice. It felt warm and fuzzy, which was something I needed, especially after all the stress I gained from planning this event, from school, and from the people from my program. It just felt nice.
Tomorrow’s a new day, and I promised myself I was going to do better in school. This weekend I have a lot to catch up on and a lot to start reading. I need to be a better student. This is my chance to start over. No more boys. No more obsessing over something that could happen, and focus on the reality of the things. I need to remember that my future depends on my work ethics right now, and depends on everything I do in college.
Speaking of which, I have classes in like a few hours and I should probably head to bed.
It feels nice knowing I was in the minds of people tonight as a talented person. It also sucks that this event is done and I sort of feel a little empty. I feel like a part of me is just gone and it’s absolutely a terrible feeling. It could be my period. It could be the season. But some part of me goes to bed feeling guilty, like I’m forgetting something. It feels like I seriously have nothing to wake up for. But I mean, like I said, that could be my period talking again. I hope.