It shouldn’t affect me. Considering the fact I never really had feelings for him anyway. I thought, hey, a boy from Australia, showing me interest, really tall, cute accent- why not?
I suddenly got affected when we were lying in my bed, right after a makeout session, when he looked me straight in the eyes and told me what we have right now can’t make it for the long run. “Well, yeah, I live in Australia.”
“Oh,” I scoffed. “I know that. It’s fine, it’s totally cool.”
I lied. I mean, I had all this images in my head, like I always do whenever I meet a guy, which fucking sucks, how he could possibly be a potential boyfriend. How he could maybe one day meet my family- I don’t know, some corny bullshit like that. So when he told me that I was practically temporary, I didn’t know what to feel.
He is a frat boy. He is from the opposite side of the world. Like his hometown, his intentions could be the total opposite of mine.
He followed me on Instagram a few months back, and knowing he was a Pike from Australia, and that everyone in Greek life knew him, I followed him back. I didn’t know he would be the surprise visit at the coffee house and literally I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He talked to everyone. He knew everyone. Everyone knew him. He would talk to the people I was talking to, but I was completely oblivious to the fact that maybe he was trying to talk to me. It wasn’t til the end of the night and I was leaving that he approached me and told me that I looked familiar.
“Yeah,” I said. “We follow each other on Instagram.”
“Oh that’s where I’ve seen you from!”
We talked a bit more about where he was from, how long he was staying until, and when the next time Delta Psi Delta and the Pikes were going to host a thing together. I told him I wasn’t too sure and he asked if I was going to the party on Saturday. I shrugged, not knowing for sure if I was interested in wasting another night getting totally belligerent. “Maybe,” was all I said.
I had to end the conversation because my bus was fast approaching, so I told him I’d hope to see him again soon and when I was going to reach for a handshake, he hugged me. Nice guy, I thought. As I was walking out, he told me to add him on Facebook, which was totally weird because there I was, talking to a complete stranger, literally out of nowhere. He just landed from Australia too. He’s just being nice.
It was Saturday night when we arrived to the party when I immediately saw him. A 6’2 guy, blond hair, with the (not-so) thickest Australian accent. “You made it,” he said with a smile on his face. I went for a hug, but he lifted me up in midair. Either this man is super weird-nice or he’s into me. He spent a few minutes pretending to be at my height by squatting by the fridge door and talking to me face to face. We shared a small conversation and it was nice because of all the people in the room, it was me he decided to talk to. We separated for a bit then he popped out of nowhere, and asked if I wanted to dance. We danced for a bit, which was nice because usually the guys I dance with- cannot dance for the life of them. He was a good dancer. We made our way outside the patio and we started talking about engineering, his engineering job in Australia, how it was like in Australia… We bonded over being middle kids and Kendrick Lamar. We really clicked and it was a nice feeling being appreciated like that, especially with all the beautiful girls around us.
We would go back inside and when he would walk through the crowd, a bunch of the girls would stop to talk to him and as friendly as he would, he would engage in conversation too, but would shortly leave them to hold my hand and lead me back into a place of privacy- just him and I. We hooked up in a corner and the party ended.
We walked home for a bit, visited a pub, he sang a few songs, and then he walked me to the bus stop. We waited for my bus and it took a while. He was standing on the bottom curb, and I was at the top. It helped that I was wearing heels. He unzipped my coat to wrap his arms around my tiny little body, and we started making out intensely.
He started to laugh in between the kisses, and when I pulled away, I asked, “Why are you laughing?”
“I didn’t think this would happen from me following you on Instagram.”
He then told me how he asked around about me, if I was seeing anyone, or if anyone was trying to pursue me. Finlay told him that he’s sure many have tried, but none succeeded. Which felt nice to hear. I was unattainable, apparently. Or just really fucked up.
We ended that night with a long French kiss and he messaged me later that night, asking if I got home safe.
I invited him over the next night, where he came over at 10:30. We talked about music, played music in the background of his favourite songs. We talked a bit more about life and basically everything there was I could think of. We hooked up again and before I went intense, I told him I was a virgin and I wasn’t planning on losing my virginity that night.
Things still escalated, but still I promised myself I wouldn’t.
And I didn’t.
I think I scared him off, though. I think I told him I never did this, I never did things like this, and I never invited boys over, and I think that made him worry that I would catch feelings quick and why he would even say this isn’t a long term thing.
A part of me wants to message him and be like, “Buddy, I’m not looking into marrying you so you can stop keeping your distance, stop being scared, and we can easily hook up again with no strings attached.” But then again, would it really be worth it?
I haven’t talked to him since this morning, and he hasn’t messaged me.
It feels like Michael all over again where I slept over but we never talk for days after. I should get used to boys like this. This is the normal, right?
I always think it’s something special, but clearly it was just a one night stand.
Maybe I’m too inexperienced? Maybe my modesty and conserved values scared him off? Maybe overall once you get to know me, I’m not that special. Maybe the “sex” was bad.
I mean, I’m not too worried. I’m not too concerned. But it just sucks how the world works nowadays, or that’s entirely my fault.