I promised myself not to get involved, but I did anyway.
Remember that guy I mentioned back at the coffee house who moved up from the back to step up to listen to me while I sing? Chris? Yeah, so… I’m seeing him now.
After acting out with that stupid Australian (just kidding, he’s not stupid, and I’m just being immature), I met Chris. I mean, I knew him, but I actually went for this guy. It was at their fraternity wine and cheese, where I approached him and took him by the face and just macked him right there and then.
I mean I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know how I did that.
I was scolded later by one of my sorority sisters who told me we both had our own dates and it was incredibly rude to do that. True. I mean, it was a valid point, but I didn’t really regret it. She later told me that he told her he’s had a crush on me since forever and didn’t think I would go for him. To this day, he doesn’t know how I know about that, and I find it really cute how he plays it off that I’m the one who made the first move. Okay, technically yes I did.
He told her that he was planning to ask me out on a date but for the whole week, I never heard from him at all. He liked my photo on Instagram, but that was the only sort of interaction I got from him. Boring.
The following week was an internal event with our sorority and fraternity and he was very much there, present and loud. Typical frat boy. We didn’t talk much in the beginning and I still felt kind of awkward that I made the first mood. It just kept replaying in my head how I kissed him in front of everyone, randomly. I liked it, couldn’t lie. I wanted to kiss him again. We met eventually and sat down and talked. Turns out we lived in the same area and his dad was my guidance counsellor in high school. Crazy, right?
I had “Kiss Me” written on my cheek and when he asked what it was, he proceeded to kiss me on the cheek, which sent chills down my back. That was so cute. My response was probably the dryest emotion on my face because I am not good with showing affection, nor emotion at all when it comes to these kinda things. Was I supposed to wink back? Kiss him back? Giggle? I didn’t know the protocol.
We talked about what we were planning to do after and he told me he was heading to Dirty Dogs, which I wasn’t down for because none of my sisters were heading there. He asked me what I was doing, and told him I wasn’t sure either. I was probably going to EPub, I told him. A part of me didn’t want him to go to Dirty Dogs and spend the night with me, and he asked me what I wanted. Don’t do this to me, I don’t want to seem desperate and ask you to come over.
“You tell me what you want me to do,” he said.
Yeah, you can’t say shit like that, Romeo.
For some reason, I found myself sitting with the Australian and I headed over EPub with him instead. I saw Chris leaving the room, with his coat, and he didn’t even say goodbye to me. In consolation, I had the Australian’s hands on my inner thigh and really close to me, so I mean…
We headed to EPub and the whole night the Australian was not paying attention to me and I was thinking all about Chris. I messaged him and carried a conversation over Facebook messenger. I was about to head out and A offered to come with. We got interrupted by all his friends as we were walking home, and one of his brothers drove by asking if I wanted a ride. YES, I DO. I joined him and he drove me home where I came home to my roommates.
I told them all about Chris and how I wasn’t sure if I should try something or just leave it but they told me to go for it.
“Maybe it’ll be different this time, maybe he’ll be your next boyfriend!” They said to me.
They said the same thing about A.
“Okay I’ll do it,” I said, as I began typing a message to Chris at almost 3 in the morning.
“Hey, what are you upto?” I asked.
“Just laying down, why, is everything okay?” He replied.
I didn’t know what to ask. I wanted him to come over to cuddle, and only cuddle, because what else could a virgin do at 3 in the morning? I had one of my roommates’ boy write for me.
“I was just going to ask if you wanted to come over, watch a movie, and a cuddle? That’s honestly all I really want right now,” he replied.
Chris replied back, “Honestly, I’d like that a lot.”
In a few minutes, he arrived at my place and when I came upstairs to pick him up, seeing him stand there, made me beyond nervous. I had to double think if I really wanted this. Jani, you’re just a horny little bastard who’s trying to get sOME CUDDLING ACTION. Do you really want this man?
I was told later that he was on the phone with his Big, just upset about how things ended up with him and I after the mixer because he thought things were going so well, but we didn’t end up together. So when I messaged, he was really happy and freaking out over the phone with his Big, who then proceeded to call an Uber for him to reach my place because I live in the middle of nowhere and he lost his wallet.
So he came over, we hung out in my room, we watched Sinister 2 (at like 5 in the morning, mind you) and at the end of it, we started making out and I told him too I was a virgin and that we couldn’t do anything more, which he was more than okay with. He respected me, and then continued to cuddle me (even though I wanted to do other stuff*), and it felt nice with him.
The next morning we woke up and he had to go to his pledge class. I said my good bye at my door and it was incredibly awkward, like the girl I am.
“So, like, I’ll talk to you later?” He said.
“Yeah, for sure, I mean, you don’t have my number…” I said.
“Oh right!” He takes his phone out, but I’m thinking about the bus he’s going to miss if he doesn’t leave now, so I don’t even offer to give my number.
We’re standing there for like two seconds until I just say “Okay, bye!” and rush him outside the door.
I eventually messaged him on Facebook giving him my number and my roommate who was watching us was telling me that I needed lessons on talking to boys. Yeah, I really did. But Chris didn’t seem to mind.
I was super skeptical about this guy since I wasn’t really looking for anything, nor was I looking for him. He just came into my life and I didn’t plan at all. When he started being super affectionate and… “clingy” in the beginning, I doubted all the time whether I wanted him. It was at the club, where he wouldn’t leave my side that I told him I hated PDA, how I hated being with him all the time- and since then, he’s been giving me space, even to the point where I get pissed off that he doesn’t even give me as much attention anymore. But this space is great. This amount of space keeps me wondering what he’s doing, when he’s going to message, and for me to chase after him. I like it. He’s still my man, but not really my man, but if a bitch were to ever cross me, I swear to God…
It’s funny to think in the beginning he was just that guy at the coffee house and now he’s the man I’m sleeping with twice a week. Huh, funny how this world works, right?