I’m mad

Okay.

I’m mad.

The past few weeks, I had to sit down and think whether or not I was mad for a good reason or I was just being plain petty. The past few weeks, you made me think that I was irrational for being mad. You made me think that it didn’t matter I didn’t talk to you every day like other couples. You made me think it that it was okay we would never be together. You made me think that I was happy with where we stood.

I’m not.

I’m angry.

For one, I don’t trust you. I don’t trust you in the slightest. Okay, sure, it was in your past that you slept with 12 girls or that you did your share in the field, but it’s so fucking hard to believe that the reason you don’t want to be with me has nothing to do with that.

Take a guy who is so used to floating around a sea of girls to be latched down to a girl like me- extremely inexperienced and seldom affectionate. And I don’t blame you. But to make me believe that you can do that, to make me believe that I can trust you- but making no effort to keep it that way, that’s unfair.

“Okay,” is literally all you can say when I tell you what I worry about.

I worry constantly.

I worry about the day you’re just going to pick up and leave.

I worry about the two days we don’t talk because that was enough time for the past three guys to leave me.

You can only message me and carry a conversation at your own convenience, but when I do it, you’re suddenly too busy to talk?

I don’t fucking trust you.

I don’t want to be with you if I’m constantly feeling this way. If I constantly feel like we both want different things. If you’re always making me feel like I’m annoying you, or that I worry too much, because I do. I worry all the time. And a guy like you who is so careless about it and tells me everything’s going to be okay, because it’s not.

I have problems, and if you can’t keep up with it, if you can’t constantly reassure me that we’re going to be okay, and can’t bother to let me know I’m on your mind, and tell me it bothers you too when we don’t talk for a week, like it does with me, then I don’t want it. I don’t want this.

This is not my idea of a relationship. And I ‘m done trying to make it work if we both want different things.

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