One hundred percent, the past four weeks have probably been the worst thing I’ve ever felt in a long time, maybe ever. A break up was always what I thought I could easily brush aside, especially being that the whatever-tionship lasted for only 3 months. He never wanted to commit anyway and he never treated me the way I wanted. He went around after saying I expected too much and that I was too needy- but it’s like can you blame me? You cheated on me.
As cliche as it sounds, I want to say thank you. Thank you for showing me what I didn’t deserve and setting the bar so low that I know I can only go up from here. I used to be upset about the memories and losing him, but all it ever was medicore at best and well, sex. There was no deep connection. You were always scared to open up. I could never be myself. I couldn’t say you knew me. All you ever knew about me was that I hated pizza and was from the hoods of Scarborough.
When you told me you didn’t want to talk about your exgirlfriend, I should’ve taken that as a red flag and it all makes sense now that you’re back together with her now. But, regardless, good for you. Like I said, I used to miss you, I used feel broken up that you were gone, but now, I see it as good riddance. I’m more upset that you did use me and that you were so quick to blame me why we didn’t work out. I’m upset that you played me and embarrassed me in front of everyone. Lied to me and told me that you were going to be too busy for me, but clearly you aren’t too busy to fix things with her. Fair, you didn’t want to tell me to hurt me. But to the person you were seeing for the previous 3 months, I think you owed it to me to tell me why you really wanted to break up. To find out like this, you don’t understand how little and disrespected that makes me feel. You’re a coward, indecisive, manipulative, and ultimately poison. Thanks for leaving. Because of you, I know what I deserve and I feel stronger as a person.
I’ve been eating healthier lately and going to the gym. I’ve been hanging out a lot more with my friends. University friends. Work friends. Reconnecting with old friends. Flirting with new guys and going on dates. I’m not exactly at that point in my life where I’m incredibly happy and not thinking about you anymore, but I am getting there. It’s getting easier with every day. Because as every day passes, the more I realize you’re trash and I’ve done nothing wrong. This wasn’t my fault. I don’t hope that one day you regret leaving me because that would mean I’m thinking of you. I hope one day we both live our own separate lives and I never have to see you again. Two more years left, and God, I’m so excited to live my life without you.